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sara

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[18 Dec 2006|11:30pm]
Hello, I am still alive.

Single again. Job is going well. Looking to buy a townhouse. Life is good.

I'm starting my magazine and I'm running into a roadblock:  finding teen girls on the internet without looking like a pedophile/pervert. I haven't even tried yet, but I'm slightly concerned. The website is justbemagazine.com, but there's not much on it. I need content. I just want teen girls' short stories and poetry! Is that too much to ask for on the internets? I tried searching on myspace (myspace.com/justbemagazine), but the youngest I can search for is 18, and my audience is 14-20. Anyway, that's my biggest hurdle now, so I'm gonna take it.
12 high five!

[30 Apr 2006|11:33pm]
I got the best fortune in my fortune cookie tonight:  You have a potential urge and the ability for accomplishment.

And I do! I got my NYU application in the mail today, and I have my Pace application too. PGSF07 is well under way!

I fell down the stairs yesterday and I broke the fall WITH MY FACE. I was carrying laundry and both of my arms were full and BAM. And then I got up and went to do my laundry, debated whether I should go to the hospital, realized I was in a lot of pain and that my chin was swollen, and went. My chin is purple and I have a cut on the bridge of my nose. I got to spend Saturday night in the ER getting x-rays done and getting creeped out by a drunk old man in a wheelchair. But I'm okay; my neck and shoulders are sore, and my left middle and index fingers are kind of sore too. I shall live. Now I get to use the line, "...but you should see the other guy! He's much worse."

Today I was supposed to go to my sister's for Ben's birthday but my mom's still sick and Ben was cranky so we're going over tomorrow. I'm gonna be late though because I'm seeing my dermatologist tomorrow, and I called on Friday, and they had a message saying they moved to East Brunswick. No address. No new number. Nothing. Who does that?! Hopefully I can track them down tomorrow.

On Friday night, Daniel and I went to Rutgers Gardens, and we saw baby pinecones!! They're so cute, and purple. I wish I brought my camera. We're gonna go back to see their progress :)
3 high five!

[24 Apr 2006|10:21pm]
I am sitting here on my comfortable bed in my favorite sweats with Haagen-Dazs ice cream (black raspberry chip to be exact -- it's orgasmic) and I am loving my life right now.

Today I started Project Grad School Fall 2007 or Bust (PGSF07OB for short, PGSF07 for even shorter) by doing a ton of research and narrowing my decision down. I'm going to get a master's degree in publishing, hopefully from NYU, but I found other schools with similar programs that I have to research. I called up Rutgers to talk to a career counselor to see if they have a program for me. I also requested info on schools. I felt productive. I talked with my parents about my options last night, and they even mentioned that I could take a year off and go to another state for my master's.

I went to a seminar today about grammar and punctuation. It was a lot of fun, I learned some new things, but I did not win Grammar Bingo. I even got two extra free spaces for finishing an exercise first. DAMMIT. But I got paid for it (my job sent me)  and had extremely important discussions with other grammar enthusiasts.

Daniel and I are doing well. We went over to Wegmans on Sunday because they were having free samples for Earth Day, and we took some cheese samples, and then he was like, "Okay, now we're gonna go through the aisles and then come back when they don't recognize our faces for more." I was like, "I like the way you think." We have SUCH a good time together. We make each other laugh. And, to top it all off, the sex is great. What more can you ask for? :) We have come across some *major* differences, though:

(at Wegmans, at their grilling station where zucchini and mushrooms were supposed to be grilling):
Daniel:  Sara, get back there and start grilling.
Me:  I am not going to be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen, just so you know.
Daniel:  Well, that might be a deal breaker. (pause) How about pregnant and naked?
Me:  We can do that.*

* NO I DO NOT PLAN ON GETTING PREGNANT YET. This was all in a joking/playful manner. So you know.

Also, he likes plain yogurt with nothing in it, while I like the ones with fruit on the bottom (mixed berry, to be exact). But, I think we can move on from this. Anyway, I really enjoy being with him, and I can tell he enjoys being with me :)

I'm kind of liking What About Brian.

Georgette and I are tentatively going to Atlantic City May 15-16, and I'm sooo excited because I miss my loverpants!!

Aaaand I might be able to see my cousin Stacie at the end of May!!

Life's going well right now.
2 high five!

[17 Mar 2006|11:28pm]
LET'S HEAR IT FOR GREAT FIRST DATES!!!

Daniel and I went out for dinner (his treat!), and we had a really good conversation, with no moments of awkward silence. And when we were quiet, we looked into each other's eyes and smiled. Ok I know that sounds cheesy and you're all ready to vom on your computer screens BUT I'VE NEVER HAD THAT KIND OF CONNECTION BEFORE OKAY.

Then we were kind of standing outside at 8:30, wondering what to do. He invited me over to his house (HE OWNS A HOUSE!!) for tea and after thinking about it for 5 seconds deciding whether that would be a good idea or not, I decided to go. So we get to his house, we talk some more while we're waiting for the tea, then he gives me a piano lesson (I stopped playing when I was 12, so I was a bit rusty. Ok, very rusty). Then he showed me his harpsichord, and I've never seen one before, and I watched him play for me. I liked that a lot, he was very good and it was an interesting sound.

Throughout all of this, there were very good/flirty vibes going on. Then he got touchy feely, not in a rough way, but he put his arms around me, held my hand, things like that.

Theeeeennn, we go upstairs to this little room (he lives in a Cape Cod (I think that's what it's called) where the main rooms are downstairs and upstairs is kind of like an attic but not, the roof slants) and we cuddled on his bean bag. Which is really all he has up there, except closets. I could tell he was very into me; I didn't get any signal that he wasn't, and it was consistent. Anyway, we kissed, he touched my right boob, it was all very nice. He was totally going for the pants though. I could tell. I like to save that for later ;)

No weird vibes! Just plain ol' good ones! And what an awesome connection we had! LIKE FOR REAL. FOR. REAL.

Overall, this date gets an A+. Here's hoping for date numero dos!

Also chrery flavored craisins are AWESOME.
13 high five!

I am fabulous. [16 Mar 2006|08:54pm]
I finally have a computer, again. I brought my laptop to Best Buy, and they said they were going to send it out to be fixed the next day. I call 2 weeks later to see how it's doing, and they said the monitor they got to replace it didn't work, so they sent out for another one. A week and a half later, I check the Geek Squad website, and it says my computer's done. So I call Best Buy, and they say it was sent to the vendor, HP. I call HP, they have not received my laptop. I call Best Buy again. Turns out, they never sent out my laptop at all. It has been sitting in the store for almost a month.

Fuckers.

So now I have a better one, for free, thanks to them fucking up.

I met this guy, Daniel, last Saturday at an NJYP (New Jersey Young Professionals) event at Wegmans (yes, a supermarket, but they have gooood food at their cafe). He's a pre-school music teacher and teaches private guitar and violin lessons. We got to talking, found out we have some things in common, and we exchanged numbers. He called me the next day and asked me out for dinner Friday (tomorrow) night! I'm excited, he seems like a sweetheart.

I am doing a million times better. I'm finally realizing I do have worth, and I am deserving of love and happiness, and for once, I believe it. I've never felt so good about myself and life, ever. I've seen such a major improvement in myself within the past month. Life really is going great, finally.
high five!

[13 Feb 2006|11:40pm]
The backlight on my laptop went off after only having it for six months, so I have to take it back to Best Buy tomorrow to get it fixed. Luckily my dad brought over an old monitor to hold me over during this rough time.

Work has been good, and it's getting busier, which is the way I like it. I was given another project today; not by my boss, but someone working on a deposition trial notebook for us. I'm not even sure if I'm supposed to be doing anything with it, so I'll have to ask Michael about that. I have my hands full already. Things are good in the work department. And my 401k starts soon! YAY EARLY RETIREMENT!

I joined New Jersey Young Professionals, and they have all kinds of social things to do. Lots are around me, and I went to one for people who were new to the group. It was a good turnout, and I met some nice, potential friends. I realized that I need to meet new people, and I signed up for some things, so it's good in that department, so far.

I've been having these dreams about me dating an extremely obese man. In the first dream, he was my cousin Stacie's friend, and he was able to walk, but going down stairs, he had to use a wheelchair. In the next one, we were at a bar and we were sitting next to each other. His arms were huge, and they took up all my space. But for some reason, I felt good in the dreams.

Also my birthday is coming up (the 26th) and I have no idea where I want to go for it. Suggestions please?

Things are good. One day at a time. I'm all about moving forward now. I'm slowly starting to realize what I need to do to make myself happy. It's not completely clear yet, but it's a little less foggy than before.
3 high five!

[20 Jan 2006|11:14pm]
I was rear ended last Sunday by a Mexican who was using his father's Michigan driver's license.

We exchanged information, and he said he didn't want to go through insurance, and wanted to cut a deal, and to get an estimate on the damage and get back to him. So I did, and I called him, and left a message. Then I called the next day. And the next day. And then I left a message saying that if he didn't get back to me by Friday, I'm calling his insurance company. He didn't get back to me, so I called them today and filed a claim. An adjuster is coming early next week to check out my damages, and hopefully I can get it fixed soon without having to pay a dime.

Basically I need a new rear bumper and my side passenger air bags went off, so I need those fixed too. Also, my car spun 180 degrees, so I'll probably need my tires aligned.

I am also now on Lexapro for depression/anxiety, and when I was prescribed it the doctor was like, "Oh and you need to get bloodwork done in a couple of weeks to see how it's working out." And I was like, "But that's something that gives me anxiety attacks! Isn't that what we're trying to avoid?" And he just kinda stared at me. It was amusing. The other thing that's kind of funny is that my sister is taking the exact same thing. Or is that sad? I don't know.

I am now insanely busy at work but thank goodness for interns doing some of the work for me!

Also I'm the alumni advisor for the spring semester for Ramapo's APO chapter, so that's exciting.

I think that's pretty much it for now.
7 high five!

[01 Jan 2006|09:31pm]
2006 will be the year I rebuild. I'm gonna work on myself, and make myself number one. I can't live with my depression anymore, and I deserve to be happy.

I start my cooking classes this Wednesday, so that will be a start.

I'm gonna fight this.

Happy new year!
16 high five!

[24 Nov 2005|02:42pm]
I think I'm ready to start living (and loving) again.

The past few weeks have been rough, but I think it's over now.
4 high five!

[13 Nov 2005|07:52pm]
Okay, I'm feeling a lot better now. Now that I've realized my issues, I can work on them. YAY FOR BEING OPTIMISTIC!

My boss told me that I did a much better job editing my first book than the previous director of publications did with any of them. Me! Little ol' seminar materials administrator. I RULE. I think I should get promoted. I start working on my second book on Monday, this time about family law, and it's 5 volumes. And it's our BIG seller. So no pressure or anything :)

I'm also getting pretty excited about moving out. My aunt is buying me a bed, which I appreciate so much because that would have been my one big expense. I gotta start sorting through my stuff though. But yeah, three weeks and bye bye, Marlboro.

I am also listening to and watching Zach Braff's video blog and I want to marry him and make babies. Or at least practice making babies.

Life, for the most part, is good :D
2 high five!

[13 Nov 2005|11:47am]
Ever since I started going to therapy about three weeks ago, and expressing all the feelings that I've been trying to hide, I've been really self-conscious. It's like everything that I've been feeling for years, and have been ignoring, is just staying there longer than it used to. It's been a hard week for me, especially since we've actually been getting somewhere, and I won't be able to see him this week. I just wanna solve everything that's been going on in my head. I need to fix that.

I'm moving out in December. It's official. It can't come fast enough.

And I can't stop picturing in my head what you told me, and I wish I could say and do something as beautiful as she did. I wish I weren't so scared to.

Does anyone have any beautiful memories of me? Or any favorites of me? Something? I need a moment. I need something.

I thought I was getting better but I'm not and I can't shut my brain off and it's not helping. I hate this feeling.
2 high five!

[30 Oct 2005|11:48am]
I found a really great apartment. It's a townhouse in Edison, and the three other girls there are super nice. Rent is $409 a month plus utilities.Good sized room, a rather large walk-in closet. Free laundry in the basement. A parking lot. About 15 minutes from work. Bedrooms are upstairs, and the kitchen, living room, and dining room that's really not a dining room but more of a place to store some stuff is downstairs. I'll be moving in December 1. YAY!

My mom thinks I hate her because my sister told her that we didn't want her to see the apartment. Which is kind of untrue, I mean, if my mom can be calm and pleasant, it would be fine. And I told her that. So hopefully she believes me. I know she can be crazy at times but that's just because she doesn't want anything to happen to me. Which makes me feel like she can't trust my judgment, and that I am incapable of making my own decisions. So I feel kind of stuck, because I know she cares but I also want her to trust me and realize that I am not incompetent.

More on that later.

This weekend: I went to a Halloween party Friday night at Diane's and I learned that 18 and 19-year-olds can't hold their alcohol. I also learned that you should never give Diane a machete when she's drunk. I did see some people I haven't seen in a while, so that was good. Saturday night I went over to Mike's and we went out for hibachi and it was soooooooo good. Then we went back and his friend was bugging him to cyber again and so I was like I WANNA DOOOOOOOOOOO IT because it was hilarious last time and she is so boring. If her cyber skills are anything like her real life skills, she must be the kind of gal that just lays there. And she always has to act like the innocent one, so when she goes "What's that?" I go, "It's my cock, you dumb slut." Again, she thought it was Mike. Good times.
high five!

[23 Oct 2005|02:36pm]
So on Friday I was talking to a judge and I mispronounced appellate and he corrected me and I was like "Ohh, okay...I was a journalism major, hehe." And he goes, "Well, isn't that special." And I was like, "Yeah it is, because I'm editing your goddamn book!" But I didn't say that because I really do love my job.

Last night I went over to Mike's apartment to hang out because I haven't seen him since July. A couple of minutes after I got in, he was like "Yeah so my friend Dana wants to cyber with me (I know, LOL) and I don't wanna." So I was like, I WILL! Because I like being silly. It was hysterical. I was saying the stupidest shit and she never caught on. It was great. Except it got boring because she ALWAYS wanted to be the submissive one. And every time I went to sit down on the couch she would IM again and I'd be like "OMG WOMAN." Mike was like, "Sara, it's never boring with you." DAMN STRAIGHT. Then we ordered too much Chinese food and watched Grease where I recited lines and sang along with everything. Then we just watched TV and caught up on things. Good times.

Today I told my parents that I was looking for apartments and they took it kind of well except when my mom was like YOU'RE GONNA GET SOLD INTO WHITE SLAVERY. She was completely serious. Which brings me to one of the reasons why I want to move out: my mother is crazy.

Anyway, off to the flea market with my mom because I STILL need a fall handbag and can't find anything I like anywhere :(((
5 high five!

[05 Oct 2005|11:49pm]
Rosh Hashanah is my favorite Jewish holiday. Not because I'm a religious person, because I don't think I am, but it's a chance for me to start off on a clean slate. A way to let go of the past and move forward with life (even though that can be hard sometimes). I like that idea. Also it is a time for me to eat my weight in food, which is always good, because anyone who knows me knows that I love food. Also I have to go to the gym soon so I don't get chubby and I can get some discounts thanks to my new health insurance!

I haven't really had a happy past couple of months. There were happy times, but I just wasn't as content as I should have, or could have been. I didn't think I was pretty enough, or smart enough, worth the effort, my boobs weren't big enough, deep enough, a good enough writer, or enough, at all. And I tried so hard to be the best I could be, but I felt like I constantly failed. I kept doubting myself and my abilities. But, I learned...
I am enough.
I like the way I look.
I am worth the effort.
I am worth being with.
I am a really good person.
And I do believe all that.

I do love myself. I know it might not seem that way sometimes to some people, but deep down, I really do. I think many of us have self-esteem issues. It's not just me. But don't we all go through moments of self-doubt, of not feeling good enough? Isn't that what being a twentysomething is all about? Isn't it a time where we learn about ourselves, things we're good at and not good at, and learning to accept it? Most times, when I don't feel smart/pretty/whatever, I usually talk myself out of them in about five minutes. I never liked dwelling, and I never liked beating myself up. Because this is the only body and brain I have now, and I gotta be happy with it. And so, I was always there to pick up the pieces for myself, and it's been working well for me. But it's always nice to have someone do it for you, to have someone go out of their way to cheer you up. But in the end, all I have is myself. I would hate myself if I ever became cocky. It's good to have confidence in yourself, and for the most part, I do. But I think it's important to show some modesty and be down to earth.

Okay, that might not have made a lot of sense, but what I was trying to get at was that I am really content with my life right now. I'd rather do what makes me happy than be miserable.

Work is going really well. I've been fitting in quite nicely. I love my job. Speaking of, it's 11:45pm and I got work in the morning.
2 high five!

[29 Aug 2005|11:24pm]
I GOT A JOB!!

I am the editorial assistant for the New Jersey Institute of Continuing Legal Education (www.njicle.com). I started today, and it went really well. My parents got me a coffee maker for the occasion. And I get really good benefits. And a cubicle! With a phone! And a nice paycheck every two weeks! Fridays are casual days. And this Friday we get to leave at 3 because Labor Day is Monday. YAY WORKING FOR THE MAN FOR THE NEXT 40 YEARS!!!

Life's awesome.

And there's more going on in my life and my job but my new bedtime is now 11:30 because I have to wake up at 7 every day. So another time.
29 high five!

[24 Jun 2005|05:26pm]
My car was in its first accident on Sunday, while I was on my way to pick up grandma for the Levenstein Father's Day BBQ. I was driving in the right lane on Rte. 79, and this green minivan was in my left lane and I'm guessing he wanted to go off an exit but I was in his way so he hit me. AND DROVE OFF. I was freaking out about the whole thing. So I called the police, but unfortunately, I didn't get the license so there's not much they can do about it. I'm okay though, and that's really all that matters. I need a new driver side door and fender, and luckily my insurance is covering it (except for the $500 deductible, so fuck what I just said). It should be fixed by Fourth of July weekend. This blows. Stupid fucker. I currently dislike all green minivans in Marlboro. But the officer who came was really hot and I went to visit him today to add some stuff to my accident report (but he wasn't there :( and there is something about a hot young guy in a police uniform that makes me want to do him. Especially since he has handcuffs. Awww yeahhhhh.

Last Friday I went to Georgette's and we went over to some church and played bingo and it was so much fun. I didn't win anything though, which was disappointing. However, I did get to hear the women sitting next to me gossip about this one "hoochie mama" and how she "bangs everyone and their grandfather." I totally want to go again. Not only because of bingo but also because I love and miss my CLW.

I've been having this really awesome mentality lately where I'm letting go of my fears. I'm going to Florida at some point this summer, and even though I used to fly all the time from the time I was an infant until about four years ago, I'm afraid to, because I'm afraid I'm gonna be on the plane that goes down. But fuck it, I'm seeing my cousin whom I love hanging out with and we're gonna go on a roadtrip and we're gonna have so much fun and I love run on sentences, really I do. Anyway, back to not being afraid anymore. This was supposed to be all inspirational when I thought about it two days ago and I think I lost it but the moral of the story is I'm not letting fear run my life or hinder me from doing things and being happy, because I think that's silly.

Also I just found out that this guy I worked with at school was arrested for child pornography. I knew there was a reason why I felt kind of uncomfortable around him :\

Tonight I have a hot date with Eli and we're going to see Land of the Dead and I am excited even though I am sure it's going to scare the crap out of me because I am a huge pussy when it comes to scary movies. But I love them anyway.

What else? I have Matt's graduation party tomorrow, which should be loads of fun. Life's pretty good as usual :)
20 high five!

ahahahsl;ljk [14 Jun 2005|10:04pm]
My nephew found a scarf in my sister's house. Here's what he did with it:

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

He looks like a little old Jewish woman. Cutest thing I've seen in a while :)

In other news, there really is none. I can't top that even if I tried.
8 high five!

[12 Jun 2005|01:51am]
MY NEW LAPTOP IS FLIPPIN' AWESOME. Especially since we now have wireless internet. Rock!

Life kinda sucked since I graduated. All I've been doing is waking up at 1pm, running some errands, eating dinner, going out with friends, and watching tv with my mom till 3 or 4 in the morning. Yeah, it doesn't sound too bad, but it kind of was. In college I was so busy with classes, clubs, and friends that I always had something to do, and here it's not as hectic. That's the thing, I've been feeling tired and I've barely been doing anything. I learned that I need to be busy most of the time in order to feel more motivated and less...useless? Tired? Something. Does that make sense?

I do have a job, though. Christine, the woman I interned for last semester, took a leave of absence to travel with NY Liberty and write a book about the WNBA. And who's fact checking/researching/helping her out? Yup, that's me. I just started this past week, and I haven't done much because I haven't really set up a routine for myself (which I learned I badly need). So far I've researched sports books to see what the market's like, written some query letters to magazines so she can write articles for them, and done as much as I can to learn about basketball. I've also been reading sports magazines and seeing if there have been any features about the WNBA since May. I'm excited about it, it seems like this could be a big project. I even work from home, which is pretty cool.

We've been cleaning out the basement and honestly, I've been getting such a kick out of it. I've been telling my parents to throw stuff away that we don't need or use anymore. So I've been thinking. You gotta do what you love, right? I love organizing things, so maybe I'll become a professional organizer too. There's the National Association of Professional Organizers, and I can take classes from them and become certified. I'm thinking maybe next year I'll do that if I'm still considering it. I've been getting more practice from organizing my sister's house (now THAT'S a piece of work. Damn). I still want to be a magazine editor, so maybe I can do both.

I also finally found a handbag. I've been searching for months for a new summer bag, but I could never find one I liked for the amount of money I was willing to spend. So I went to the Woodbridge Center with Shelly tonight and we went into Macys and I was walking around the handbags section with two or three bags on me at a time, trying to find one that I liked. I looked like a fucking bag lady. And I picked a beige Franco Sarto one that was on sale. I can wear it to work or when I'm out with friends. So I'm happy.

What else? I have two graduation parties tomorrow at pretty much the same time. Also, I'm not allowed to cook in the house because my mom's afraid I'll make a mess in the new kitchen so I've been living on yogurt, string cheese, whole wheat toast and peanut butter, and fruit. So it's healthy, but I really like cooking :( How am I going to be a domestic goddess if I can't cook? We go out to eat almost every night, and the nights we don't go out we bring something in. So can someone please invite me over to their house so I can enjoy a nice home cooked meal? I'm a really nice house guest and parents seem to like me.
14 high five!

[28 May 2005|07:48pm]
Soooo.

I graduated from college and I'm trying to be optimistic about the whole finding a full time job and life not sucking thing. Sometimes it works, other times it doesn't, but at least I know that other people have gone through the same thing and that I'm not alone, right? I just gotta keep telling myself that things will alllll work out. Because honestly, it will.

Also, my mom gave me a card that she wrote, and she signed my grandparents' names and I couldn't stop crying. I miss them a lot.

Anyway, since I've been home I've:
- driven my sweet new car.
- joined a gym.
- ordered an HP laptop from Best Buy, which should be coming in less than 2 weeks (!!!). They're building it for me. Nice.

My parents have sadly been my source of entertainment for the past couple of days, until tonight when I go over to Diane's to save her from her brother's friends.

Yeah I've got nothing else.
14 high five!

[19 May 2005|03:06am]
Last night, I learned that whenever I am having a bad day, all I need to do is turn up "Pour Some Sugar On Me," put on my Adidas ripoff pants with my white shorts underneath with "APO" painted on the butt, and do a strip tease and rip off my pants and shake what my mama gave me. Keep in mind that I had no alcohol in me at all. I just needed to be silly and dance around in front of everyone. It reminded me of the time I did that in front of Section 99 at roll call a couple of years ago at sectionals. Good times, good times.

I'll also be getting a new car on Saturday/Sunday: a 2005 Honda Accord, fully loaded. With a navigation system, which I wanted. When my mom told me that, I almost creamed myself, because I wasn't expecting it at all. She told me before that my cousin, who is also graduating this year, didn't want the navigation system so to make it fair I wouldn't get one either. But now we're both getting the same exact car, and I'm getting gray. YAY. I'm so fucking excited. Now I just gotta figure out insurance and all that fun stuff. And if I get a laptop too, that would be flippin' sweet. And I'm pretty sure I'm getting that too :)

So I'm packing and getting ready to leave tomorrow right after my presentation in American Independent Cinema and I really don't want to. This is it, folks. It's been an amazing four years will you guys. I'm coming back on campus on Monday because they have a bunch of activities for the graduating seniors, including a trip to Dave & Buster's which I'm really excited about because it's only $2 and (mostly) everyone is gonna be there and it's the night before graduation. And then Wednesday, I graduate. It's coming up so fast. Hot damn.

Umm. I need to go to sleep because I'm way too excited about life.
6 high five!

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